In one of my favorite Facebook groups, a mom started a conversation about how cooking for her picky kids had sucked all the joy out of cooking. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said the same thing—my guy is 13 now, and started to reject foods when he was 2. I’ve been living this life for ELEVEN YEARS. What’s helped me is letting go, honestly. At least my anger/resentment levels have gone down. If I make something he'll eat, great, but most nights he eats a piece of fruit or bread. (One dinner a week, he cooks for the three of us, so he's guaranteed something he likes.) His diet is crap-tastic but he's reached the age where I have no real say. I can't make him eat, so I stopped trying. Someday, maybe when he's in college, he'll start tasting things and have an OH DAMN WHAT DID I MISS ALL THOSE YEARS moment.
I absolutely love that you aren’t making this a fight or power struggle. Division of responsibility when they are young, and then let them make their own choices as they age. He will eat what is comfortable and safe for him and eventually (yes maybe even as an adult) try more things.
I have two picky eaters (ages 9.5 and 11.5), and I am trying to cultivate detachment but it's HARD. And exhausting. I basically end up cooking two dinners each night, and it does suck the joy out of cooking (which I LOVE). And you know what I am fed up with? "Helpful ideas" like "put it in a muffin tin" or "cut into interesting shapes." Do you really think I have not tried that, Barbara?!
My oldest (now 10) ate EVERYTHING when she started eating solids. And I DO mean everything. But now... forget it. She and her two younger siblings also specialize in craptastic diets and, for the most part... I don't put up resistance. I'm more worried about created disordered eating habits than a few years (albeit formative ones) of food that I wouldn't necessarily choose for them. Thanks for normalizing this view with this post. <3
My kid has luckily outgrown the picky phase. But when we were at the height of it, serving a variety of small dishes where you could make your own (think assemble your own bowls, quesadillas where you could make your own toppings, a charcuterie board with a side of raw veggies, that kind of thing) usually helped us not lose our minds.
I have twins (10), one pickier than the other probably due to sensory issues. I make one dinner and they eat it or don't but they have to sit at the table for ten minutes. I thought this would take the fight out of dinner but I still feel angry that I worked hardish to cook a tasty meal that they won't even try. I keep waiting for that magical moment where they will try something given enough exposures but nah. I get annoyed that their ped is zero concerned even though they eat no vegetables and apples are the only fruit and very little protein. He says they are growing, and they are, but they're not learning healthy eating habits, something I've had to teach myself as an adult. Some nights I just give up and let them have Easy Mac because it's easier. Sigh.
"Eat or don't" and "Don't yuck my yum" are said many times each meal. I just want to stop the whining and face making. One of them does it before the second has tried anything and immediately says they don't like it. Luckily, they aren't starving but I do try to get them to eat a couple bites of everything on their plate. If they don't want to eat tomatoes they must not be hungry enough for more bread. Sometimes it turns into a battle and I have to remind myself that I'm in charge of what and when and they're in charge of how much they eat.
Mine are 7, 4 & 2 years. My 2 year old daughter eats everything with reckless abandon. My boys, however, are about as picky as they come. We've started setting a timer at the dinner table. So far this has gone ok. They start to eat a little after getting bored. Not a singable success, though every little bit helps!
Letting go and just riding it out worked for me with my youngest (now age 11), upon the advice of our pediatrician. We sat through many nights of, "I don't think I will like this dinner, mama!" where he'd just drink his milk and push food around on his plate while the rest of us ate. I'd remind him it was a long time till breakfast but it didn't phase him. Then in the morning he'd be ravenously hungry, often eating 2 breakfasts! He liked most breakfast foods, so I'd load him up on scrambled eggs, toast, yogurt, etc., knowing he was at least getting one decent meal a day. Eventually (like several years later...no quick fix here!) he started taking the occasional bite of this and that and discovering it wasn't as disgusting as he'd imagined and we went from there...he started helping me plan and cook a meal or two each week, we ate more "assemble your own bowl" type meals and he started trying even more new things. He still doesn't like certain foods but will usually eat them with minimal complaining now.
I'm trying to detach emotionally from whether or not my 9 year old eats the dinner I make. She's old enough and capable enough to fix something for herself if she doesn't like what I've made (even if that's just a bowl of granola and yogurt, or heat up some leftovers, or make a peanut butter sandwich). But I know I react so much better when she'll at least *try* whatever it is, because I don't make things I know she doesn't like. I don't ask her to eat chicken, I moderate spice to her level, and even as I realize I'm getting more ... open to mushrooms I'm not ever going to cook them for us as a family. Just, please, give it a few bites, kiddo. You're welcome to not like it & get something else.
And we had grand designs of her cooking dinner a night a week. That seems like "a lovely wish" at this point.
It’s the ungrateful eaters that really get my goat! Picky is part of it, but it is the tween attitude and the other stuff that’s the worst! Plus, I have a very small son and it’s hard to not get wrapped up in nutrition- and by that I mean that chicken and white rice shouldn’t be daily staples, let alone Costco chicken nuggets and top ramen. Right?!??
Took my pickyish kid to the supermarket yesterday, where he surprised me by asking to dry sliced chicken breast from the deli counter! Apparently he didn't realize chicken also came as lunch meat, only turkey - and he hates turkey (for Thanksgiving, I had to roast him a separate tray of chicken drumsticks). I mean they taste basically the same to me??? But he was amenable to the chicken, and the deli guy gave him a sample slice which was shockingly well-received, so that's his latest go-to snack now.
Like you, I've stopped suggesting or offering, and he's also gotten super into cooking lately, too. Even if it means cooking stuff he himself won't eat.
I absolutely love that you aren’t making this a fight or power struggle. Division of responsibility when they are young, and then let them make their own choices as they age. He will eat what is comfortable and safe for him and eventually (yes maybe even as an adult) try more things.
I have two picky eaters (ages 9.5 and 11.5), and I am trying to cultivate detachment but it's HARD. And exhausting. I basically end up cooking two dinners each night, and it does suck the joy out of cooking (which I LOVE). And you know what I am fed up with? "Helpful ideas" like "put it in a muffin tin" or "cut into interesting shapes." Do you really think I have not tried that, Barbara?!
My oldest (now 10) ate EVERYTHING when she started eating solids. And I DO mean everything. But now... forget it. She and her two younger siblings also specialize in craptastic diets and, for the most part... I don't put up resistance. I'm more worried about created disordered eating habits than a few years (albeit formative ones) of food that I wouldn't necessarily choose for them. Thanks for normalizing this view with this post. <3
My kid has luckily outgrown the picky phase. But when we were at the height of it, serving a variety of small dishes where you could make your own (think assemble your own bowls, quesadillas where you could make your own toppings, a charcuterie board with a side of raw veggies, that kind of thing) usually helped us not lose our minds.
I have twins (10), one pickier than the other probably due to sensory issues. I make one dinner and they eat it or don't but they have to sit at the table for ten minutes. I thought this would take the fight out of dinner but I still feel angry that I worked hardish to cook a tasty meal that they won't even try. I keep waiting for that magical moment where they will try something given enough exposures but nah. I get annoyed that their ped is zero concerned even though they eat no vegetables and apples are the only fruit and very little protein. He says they are growing, and they are, but they're not learning healthy eating habits, something I've had to teach myself as an adult. Some nights I just give up and let them have Easy Mac because it's easier. Sigh.
"Eat or don't" and "Don't yuck my yum" are said many times each meal. I just want to stop the whining and face making. One of them does it before the second has tried anything and immediately says they don't like it. Luckily, they aren't starving but I do try to get them to eat a couple bites of everything on their plate. If they don't want to eat tomatoes they must not be hungry enough for more bread. Sometimes it turns into a battle and I have to remind myself that I'm in charge of what and when and they're in charge of how much they eat.
Mine are 7, 4 & 2 years. My 2 year old daughter eats everything with reckless abandon. My boys, however, are about as picky as they come. We've started setting a timer at the dinner table. So far this has gone ok. They start to eat a little after getting bored. Not a singable success, though every little bit helps!
Letting go and just riding it out worked for me with my youngest (now age 11), upon the advice of our pediatrician. We sat through many nights of, "I don't think I will like this dinner, mama!" where he'd just drink his milk and push food around on his plate while the rest of us ate. I'd remind him it was a long time till breakfast but it didn't phase him. Then in the morning he'd be ravenously hungry, often eating 2 breakfasts! He liked most breakfast foods, so I'd load him up on scrambled eggs, toast, yogurt, etc., knowing he was at least getting one decent meal a day. Eventually (like several years later...no quick fix here!) he started taking the occasional bite of this and that and discovering it wasn't as disgusting as he'd imagined and we went from there...he started helping me plan and cook a meal or two each week, we ate more "assemble your own bowl" type meals and he started trying even more new things. He still doesn't like certain foods but will usually eat them with minimal complaining now.
So what you're telling me is that this won't get better for my 6-year-old in the foreseeable future?
I'm trying to detach emotionally from whether or not my 9 year old eats the dinner I make. She's old enough and capable enough to fix something for herself if she doesn't like what I've made (even if that's just a bowl of granola and yogurt, or heat up some leftovers, or make a peanut butter sandwich). But I know I react so much better when she'll at least *try* whatever it is, because I don't make things I know she doesn't like. I don't ask her to eat chicken, I moderate spice to her level, and even as I realize I'm getting more ... open to mushrooms I'm not ever going to cook them for us as a family. Just, please, give it a few bites, kiddo. You're welcome to not like it & get something else.
And we had grand designs of her cooking dinner a night a week. That seems like "a lovely wish" at this point.
It’s the ungrateful eaters that really get my goat! Picky is part of it, but it is the tween attitude and the other stuff that’s the worst! Plus, I have a very small son and it’s hard to not get wrapped up in nutrition- and by that I mean that chicken and white rice shouldn’t be daily staples, let alone Costco chicken nuggets and top ramen. Right?!??
Took my pickyish kid to the supermarket yesterday, where he surprised me by asking to dry sliced chicken breast from the deli counter! Apparently he didn't realize chicken also came as lunch meat, only turkey - and he hates turkey (for Thanksgiving, I had to roast him a separate tray of chicken drumsticks). I mean they taste basically the same to me??? But he was amenable to the chicken, and the deli guy gave him a sample slice which was shockingly well-received, so that's his latest go-to snack now.
Like you, I've stopped suggesting or offering, and he's also gotten super into cooking lately, too. Even if it means cooking stuff he himself won't eat.